I’ve been nodding a lot while reading lately. It seems the more I read Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way, the more I nod. This causes strange looks while reading in public. I guess Julia’s thoughts are resonating with me.
I just started Week 9 of a twelve week journey. I’ve been committed to morning pages (see my previous blogs about The Artist’s Way titled “Sacred Alone Time and My Pre-Artist Date” and “Morning Pages, Affirmations and my Artist’s Prayer“). I’ve been able to coax myself into a few artist dates and play with my inner-artist child. The artist dates have been few and far between but they are on the radar now more than ever. I guess awareness that I need more play-time with my inner-artist child is the first step right? At first I battled a lot with myself in resistance to the artist date with these questions:
“Is time spent on an Artist Date really productive time?”
“Am I allowed to be truly having fun? Do I deserve to have fun?”
“Have I worked hard enough for this?”
“Am I wasting time doing this when I could be spending it in more useful ways?“
Those were the main voices that piped up every time I thought of going on an artist date. I’m slowly letting the voices quiet down. It’s been self-revealing, sometimes annoyingly so!
The other day I began my day with the intention of keeping open to the possibility of being more playful. I felt a tiny spring in my step and a sense of openness in the moment. I walked into a store to purchase a birthday card and it was as though the store owner sprinkled magic dust on me. I asked for a pen to sign the card and she handed me 20 colourful, thin markers, and a bundle of stamps and stickers to decorate the card. I couldn’t help but grin widely. I left feeling great. Feeling loved. Feeling excited about creativity. Feeling happy in myself. Feeling like serendipity caught me in her wave-length. Hasta la vista silly grown-up resistance to the artist date!!
Entering Week 9, I recently read about how much artists fear. We fear success. We fear failure. We procrastinate. Julia Cameron says we need to call procrastination by its rightful name: Fear. So often we call it laziness. It is not this. To remember this is to remember kindness for ourselves.
I think this chapter really stood out for me because for the last ten years I’ve been overcoming fear during the creation, and impending eventual launch, of the songs coming out in February on my upcoming album, Take Me As I Am. Yup, 10 years of creation, resistance and more creation. I’ve moved, and breathed, through a lot of fear and self-doubt. I’ve still got fear (does fear ever truly go away for good?) but I’m thrilled to say that, finally, tomorrow (Nov. 13) I am releasing the feature single from this album, “Stop, Drop & Roll” (The Fireman Song). (You can get a copy of this song for free if you sign up here: AynsleySaxe.com (hint, hint)). :)
I’m ridiculously excited (and nervous) about releasing this song into the world. But it seems that overcoming the butterflies is easier when I focus on the intense joy I feel when I think about sharing my music. Lately that’s been outweighing the fear.
Making these songs, and the album, has been a long, beautiful, challenging and exhilarating climb. I’d love to tell you more about the journey if you’re interested. I’ve also included in the same link the opportunity to get your name immortalized in the album art (and make my day).
Thanks as always for reading!