Remember when “You Tube?” used to be a question you would ask a pal at the top of a snow covered hill? When your buddy nodded, you would both jump on a big inner tube and race down the hill, avoiding trees, children and small dogs. At the bottom, freshly exhilarated and wind burned, you’d grin at each other and say “Once more!?” Then you’d climb to the top panting, and do it all again.

Thanks to Week 5 in Music Success in Nine Weeks, I’m tubing. I’m sliding. I’m racing. I’m now whirling on the YouTube hill with all the other tubers. We’ve come a long way young grasshoppers.

My first Vlog is a behind the scenes peak at the making of my first album. It’s very serious (yeah right). Hope you enjoy!!

Click here to view my vlog.

This past month a thought has been circling my mind.  I’ve been afraid to let it touch down because I’m not sure what I will find. But often I think what we fear writing about, is exactly what we should be writing about.

The thought is this:  Can everything be held in the space of love?
 
And I mean, one gigantic EVERYTHING.  Everything you resist.  Everything you despise.  Everything includes sickness and murderers and the job you don’t like and your bills and your worries and the rude driver who cut you off on the way home and the biting snow and the part of your body you wish you could change and that mean kid in Grade 3 who hurt your feelings and algebra and bad breath and that sinking feeling like it’s all going to end and you didn’t do everything you wish you’d done….  Can you roll it all up into a glowing ball, place it in your heart and surround it with love?

My immediate gut reaction is an emphatic “NO!”  Followed by my mind shrieking:  “Ayns, why did you let that thought touch down!?!  You know it wasn’t good for us!!!”

But if I sit with the question a little longer, the possibility of something a little deeper ripples out.

Usually this will only happen in a space of meditation or deep reflection where I’ve let my ego subside and there sits inside me a space that is calm and clear.  The space where I’ve become the pebble floating to the bottom of the lake.   Then it seems like I can allow more into my heart.  The parts that are scary or angry or sad.

I would like to become the pebble more.   I need to embrace the space (Hey cool rhyme, embrace the space baby!).   I’m going to start small with the little things that are easier to love (like spilled tea on my new shirt for instance), and then slowly test the water to see what else my heart can hold.   I have a feeling it can stretch pretty big but I won’t know until I try.

The thing is, this love is not for them.  It’s not for the rude people or the sickness or the bills.  It’s for me. Loving them feels better than resisting.   Granted, that doesn’t mean I want to have a picnic with them, but when I sit quietly with love for them, somehow they change, or I change. Either way, I feel better.

Go free little thought.  Soar again because I’ve remembered, at least for tonight:  love is a choice.

Application:

Start with something small that you resist.  Close your eyes and breathe deeply.  Feel that place of pure love inside yourself.  When you’re ready, slowly imagine your heart opening up and embracing what you resist.  Sit with this feeling as long as you like. 

Find out more about the Thought of the Month.

If he had known what it looked like he probably wouldn’t have pulled me over.

This is my cell phone:

Yup. Vintage.

This little cell phone has served me well over the (many) years and as you can see, it’s been well loved. But now, I fear, the end is drawing near. It is time to cell its soul and seal its fate with the other jumbo mobile phones in cell phone heaven. Remember them? You didn’t have to go to the gym for a week after talking on them. Plus they came with the bonus feature of being able to poke someone’s eye out with an antenna the size of a ski pole. My parents had a “car phone” that had to be charged for a week and then the battery would last about an hour in good weather. It sat on the floor of the passenger side taking up as much room as a small dog. Less furry though. Usually.

This week exploring a new cell phone was just the tip of the iceberg. Week 4 of our Music Success in Nine Weeks Songwriters Challenge urges us to plunge into Social Media. I decided to start by navigating through my current social media sites (that I remember the password for!), adding Wild Blue Yonder (see Week 3) to the background as I surfed:

Official Music Website || FaceBook Fan Page || Twitter || MySpace

Reverbnation || WordPress

I also splashed for the first time into:

FanBridge || Klout || YouTube || Linked In

How do I feel now? A little blurry. Like I have saltwater in my eyes and it’s time for a pina colada.

Last week @ the Songwriters Association of Canada’s Songposium Brian Thompson (Digital Strategist) spoke of the 80/20 rule. He encouraged us to create great content with our tweets or posts 80% of the time, and pitch/market ourselves only 20% of the time. That means that if you are sending out 10 tweets a week, only 2 of them should be to market/promote yourself. Granted, you’re marketing yourself all the time with awesome content, but keep the pitching on the down low.

This makes a lot of sense to me. The tweets I pass over with glazed eyes are those that are all pitch and no fun. Those that keep me coming back for more are colourful, interesting, funny, heartwarming or relevant to me (i.e., a direct message). They have that special little something that makes me smile or gives me energy. Some tweets make you feel like you just stepped into a pair of warm and fuzzy socks and there’s a blizzard outside.

The icebergs aren’t melting. We are flowing in a wild and rapidly changing, cyber ocean. I must go now. I have to find my flippers, update my sidestroke and sidebar and anchor a cell phone data plan – sans-vintage.

Hugs,
Ayns

P.S. I feel like a kid in the schoolyard asking you to Like Me on Facebook but I will smile all through recess if you do.

Well, here we are. We’ve made it to Week Numéro Trois of the 9-Week Social Media Challenge. This week’s challenge was to put our sights on our websites. Ariel Hyatt urged us to make our websites functional – to not only make them inviting to the eye, but to ensure we embrace the social media world and engage our visitors with them. To stay afloat in this social media music pond, this is what we songwriters must do.

Let me preface this blog by saying art is not my forté, at least not the kind of art that requires logos, fancy fonts, graphics, crayons, finger-paints or markers. For me, photoshopping is browsing Blacks. You might as well ask me to reproduce the Mona Lisa if you want me to draw stick-men. I clashed at a young age – see Comments in Week 1’s blog. I’ve buried (but not far enough apparently) a traumatic childhood memory of being laughed at for drawing a cow and putting the udders in the wrong place. Don’t ask where.

Needless to say this week’s challenge wasn’t my favourite. Luckily, the test for our websites wasn’t in graphic design.

I must have tried at least a dozen background colours but I finally settled on a shade of blue. Which shade is debatable. Did you know there are shades called “duke blue” and “majorelle blue”? Gotta love Google. My favourite name for blue is now “wild blue yonder”. However smoky blue sounds dramatic and intriguing doesn’t it? I’d rather my website be smoky blue than putrid pink. But I digress. I uploaded photos and show posters. I listed show dates and upcoming events and I will even gift my newsletter followers with a free download if they sign up for my Monthly Music Updates – hint hint dear blog reader… I even tweaked my Twitter & Blog pages and they now match the wild blue yonder too they do! Dr. Zeus anyone?

This shade, whatever it is, will do until my upcoming photo shoot is completed for my soon-to-be-released album (whoooohoooo!!!). Oh no, “whoohoo” rhymes with “blue” too! This is getting absurd lol. But seriously, after the photo shoot is done, I will then track down a talented artistic friend or web designer to recreate this website into a pretty little page that is more pleasing to the eye, and not just purely functional. But don’t worry Ariel, it will still remain functional and easy to navigate too.

Who knows, maybe this talented friend can also show me how to draw a cow!

Oh yes, and if you’re curious, here it is…for now.

We have entered Week 2 of the Songwriters’ Social Media Challenge based on Ariel Hyatt’s book Music Success in Nine Weeks. I broke out my coloured markers last week. This week I’m breaking out my elevator music. Wait – no – that should be elevator pitch.

This pitching thing is tricky business. Who do I sound like? In 15 seconds or less, how do I creatively portray my music to those who have absolutely no idea of my sound and essentially, hook them in! Time for a little sound-reflection…

I tested out Chapter 2 toes first, very tentatively. After exploring my genre, I think I’ve settled, for now, on soft pop / adult alternative. As for artists people have said my music reminds them of I listed Tori Amos, Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, Dido, Dar Williams, Fiona Apple, Sarah Slean. Then I dove into my influences. Don’t fret (even if you’re a guitar player) – I won’t list them all.

Growing up with two sisters (twins) a decade ahead of me, I was immersed in the emotional ballads of the 80’s (think Olivia Newton-John, Air Supply, Meatloaf, Don Henley, Bryan Adams). Stir into my sibling mix a father who would blast until the speakers caved Beethoven, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, John Prine and Philip Glass and my Mom who adores The Carpenters, Lionel Richie and Phil Collins among many others.

I also feel the need to include as influences Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell, Gordon Lightfoot, Pink Floyd, Abraham-Hicks, Tony Robbins, Ani Difranco, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Peter Gabriel, Dave Matthews and musicals, especially Les Miserables, my all-time favourite. Hey, Jean Val Jean in Les Mis sings the song “Who Am I“… Maybe I can borrow his reflections for this exercise?

As for the feelings and vibes I’d like to provoke in my listeners, they include: moved, inspired, nurtured, amused, captivated, connected and deeply in touch with their hearts.

I know I don’t need to say everything about my sound in this short hook-phrase (I watched the videos – thanks Ariel & Derek!). But I wouldn’t mind intriguing potential listeners with a pitch that integrates the idea of some of my sassier/humorous songs, not just the heartfelt ones (and there are plenty of those as well coming out soon – please stay tuned!). I need a Hillbilly Flamenco phrase! (Genius!)

With the above in mind, I came up with this possibility for my pitch:

Sarah McLachlan laughing with Dar Williams in Jewel’s backyard

I’m not sure I can say this smiling in the mirror though. There’s something not quite right that I can’t quite put my finger on… I think (gasp) it bores me a little.

Let’s experiment:

Replacing laughing with wiggling doesn’t work even if it does make me smile, and even if the idea of wiggling appeals to my 5 year-old nephew. He is not my target audience so moving on…

I don’t think chuckling, giggling or clobbering works. And I’m not sure the backyard works either. Replacing Jewel’s backyard with her basement or patio doesn’t help. Maybe we shouldn’t be at her place at all! Sigh.

I love that there are songwriters out there with open ears ready to lend perspective but unless you’ve heard me perform I’m not sure you can throw me a lifejacket, yet…

After many twists and turns and zigs and zags (that’s another blog!) my debut album is coming out this Spring [insert me getting ready to crack open the champagne]. Until then I currently have one song on my website that does not fully represent my current sound but it’s definitely, I feel, better than having no songs up.

However, with that said, if you have ideas for me about my sound, please please send them along (I’d really appreciate it) or maybe I can ask for a rain check to help me figure out my pitch once my album is released and my new songs are online?

Until then, I’ll be laughing (and wiggling in my mind) with Sarah McLachlan and Dar Williams in Jewel’s backyard.

For the next nine weeks I will be plunging into the first ever Canadian Social Media Blogging Challenge, led by social media marketing guru Ariel Hyatt. The challenge invites us to participate in the process outlined in her book “Music Success in Nine Weeks“. We’ve been asked to write a blog a week, reflecting on the chapters, starting with Week 1 and, you guessed it, ending with Week 9. Sixty other songwriters are participating and I hope we all finish with soaring colours (or at least unscathed and smoother around the edges).

Tonight I closed out of my online chess game (my biggest temptation lately) and opened the book. Chapter 1 begins with goal setting. Goal Setting. YUCK. *grin* Don’t get me wrong, I get it. Writing down my dreams has no doubt helped me achieve them in the past. The pen is mightier than most things… But even though I logically know all the benefits of writing down my vision for the future there was still a sinking feeling in my stomach tonight when I began to think about my goals.

I guess for me the act of writing down goals seems to walk hand in hand with the fear of failing them. If I write them down I have to be accountable for potentially not living up to my own expectations, hopes, dreams, all that. And then after I conquer my fear of failure (or at least be able to let the fear of not achieving my goals subside), I get to mull over the idea of stepping out of my default life mode and consciously create my future. Yikes! All this with just two tiny words: Goal Setting. No wonder New Years resolutions get such a bad rap!

I’m relieved to say that tonight I was able to push aside the self-critic and the worrier inside me who tend to show up uninvited all too often. I resolved to get comfy with my goals. I lit a beeswax candle and sipped licorice tea. Then I grabbed a pen.

I wrote my music goals for the next 6 months. 12 months for me seemed a bit long so I decided on 6 month goals that I could see happening. I crumpled up paper. I kept writing. Then I crumpled up more paper (Shout out to the Recycling Bin). I decided on 6 goals that are very close to me. I wrote them in the present as though they had actually happened as Ariel suggested.

And then a juicy thing occurred. The sinking feeling in my stomach began to melt and I felt a smile creep up inside me.

I dropped the pen and grabbed a few markers and blank paper. The fuchsia clashed with bright red (I’m NOT an artist) so another paper was injured in the making of these goals.

But they’re alive now. They’re breathing on the paper and inside me. Hopefully soon they’ll be pushing up through the surface of my life like a tiny plant.

And the best part is I’m excited about them.

Move over self-doubt, a blog a week makes the songwriter speak.

Happy New Year!!!  Another year has dawned.  Are you blinking at the sunrise?  
  
Are you greeting 2012 with open arms, or quite possibly, a big yawn?     

Maybe like me you’ve been acknowledging dreams you want to implement this year.  Are there juicy goals circulating in your heart that are awaiting your life energy?  New Years resolutions are running rampant this time of year, are you running with them?  Or maybe you’re avoiding them…?    

I’ve decided that instead of letting my resolutions  flicker out like fireworks this year, I’m going to create a vision board.  I’m going to cut out pictures from magazines, and maybe a few words and paste them on a big bristol board.  I’m no artist so this could be an interesting experiment and quite possibly an eye-sore. But not to me. I might frame it.    
 
I’m going to hang my colourful-awesome-exciting- happy-healthy-magnificent life up on the wall.  And then I’m going to try to live it.  But wait, as Yoda says, “there is no try“.  So scratch that:  I’m going to live it.

How are you going to create the life you want?  If everything’s perfect now – fantastic.  But I have a feeling there might be more you are desiring.  I hope you discover what will make 2012 super-juicy for you.    I know you deserve the stars.  You already are one.  So shine shine shine!   
 
Let’s meet back here next year squinting with our sunglasses on because 2012 was so bright.  

Application:

Discover what will help motivate you to live your best year yet. Then live it.

Well, it’s that time of year again. Another year is winding down. 2012 is dawning.

How was 2011 for you? Was it full of twists and turns? Did you jump into your juicy dreams?

Did you live boldly? Did you sink into and discover hidden parts of yourself? Did you hug yourself and your life with palpable love?

I’ve been asking myself these questions over the the past few weeks. The truth is, I’m a little afraid of the answers.

I know I’ve taken steps this year. But the steps don’t look like giant leaps when I ask for tangible evidence of “success” (whatever that means!). I know I’ve grown as a person, inwardly and in terms of my life dreams, but I’m struggling with what I have to show for it, outwardly. Where is the harvest?

Then nature’s wisdom steps in and whispers: “Oak trees start as seeds.” Our job is to water and tend to our growth, and then let natural timing unfold on its terms, in its time.

Perhaps growth and success must be felt within, and not seen with your eyes. You may catch glimpses of your dreams pushing their way to the surface of your life. But that’s not necessarily the point. Perhaps the point is the growing.

In this society I’ve definitely become used to instant-gratification. I want to Google my spiritual evolution and look for quicker ways to speed up the process.

But now I’m looking at oak trees. I’m watering my inner self and smoothing out my intentions. I’m clearing my path by recognizing and gently removing self-imposed obstacles. Most of these obstacles are categorized under the headings: doubt & fear. I’m recognizing my humanness. I’m inching my way to being more vulnerable and stronger than I’ve ever been.

I’m opening to the opportunities in my life, right now. And I’m trusting that I will know what doors to walk through as they open, in their own time.

Greetings 2012!!!

Welcome to my twisting and turning journey on this escapade we call Life!

I just gobbled up a gripping novel called Shantaram. It was written by Gregory David Roberts, a convicted Australian bank robber who escaped from a maximum security penitentiary over the front wall. In his opening paragraph he writes:

“It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn’t sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it’s all you’ve got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life.”

Roberts’ choice, and the fact that he recognized that choice, really hit me. If he could feel free while chained to a wall and being tortured, why can’t we (and I’m definitely including myself in this one) feel free in everyday (sans-torture!) daily life?

I know I’m human. That’s for sure. Like many people, I’m chained to the weight of responsibilities and self-imposed expectations (financial, relational, emotional, familial, social, cultural, you-get-the-pointal). Feeling trapped is life-draining. Compared to sweet freedom it tastes bitter and putrid. However there are ways to sweeten the deal. I believe that each of us, no matter where we are standing or what we are sipping, can stir more freedom into our lives.

As Roberts’ epiphany declares, the heart of freedom comes down to choice. Each of us has a multitude of choices to make in our daily lives. We may not feel like we have big life-changing options 24-hours a day, like changing jobs or switching houses. But the deeper choices, the inner choices, the ones that really count, and the ones that we take with us wherever we go, are ours, always. For Roberts it was the choice between hating and forgiving his torturers. What inner choices are yours to make today?

Personally I think the trick is to be wide awake. Come on. Rise and shine. Let me see the whites of your eyes. Can you be conscience of the choice you are making?

Making choices isn’t always easy. I can say truthfully that I’ve resented when people have tried to show me a way out of my self-imposed prison. If I’m told by well meaning friends that I have a choice to feel better if I’m feeling lousy I really resent the voice telling me that! Some days I’m just not interested in hearing solutions. This is a choice. Some days I’m more content with my choice to endure pain or anger than to see any options. Sometimes it’s easier to stay in prison than to do the dirty work of forgiveness or releasing my anger to get out of jail free.

Life is not always sugar coated and sometimes the choices that are good for us are hard and not always easy to see. I like to try to make my choices based on the idea of relief. Does it feel better to listen or to speak? Does it feel better to run or stay? Does it feel better to forgive or get angry? You’re allowed to be both forgiving and angry. Your real authentic choices, the ones that will lead you out of the internal prison, come from the wisdom of your inner being rather than what your rational, moral mind thinks is obvious. Try to make your choice not because of what you’re afraid of, but based on the option that will be better for you in the long run, truly, madly, deeply. You do know what is best for you. Make your choice based on your highest opinion of yourself. Be conscious of your choice in the moment. If you don’t like the choice you’ve made, make another.

I hate telling you this (and don’t tell my family) but sometimes I relish my bad moods. I know it sounds crazy. I used to get really annoyed with myself for being in a stormy state but now, when I’m conscious of a dark cloud hanging overhead, I say to myself: “Ayns, you’re in a really bad mood right now and you’re totally allowed to be in this for as long as you like. I accept you for where you are right now. Go to it sister!” In the moment that I recognize the choice I find relief. I choose to accept myself where I am which feels like a tiny bit of sweet freedom compared to resisting my bad mood and being chained to it unwillingly.

In recognizing our choices we find where the heart of where freedom lives. We don’t have to change jobs, win a million dollars or travel the world to feel free. Remember that saying “Wherever you go, there are you.” All of our internal baggage (and sometimes it’s not just a carry-on bag folks) comes with us even if we win the jackpot and pack our bags for a world tour. Every single part of us moves forward to share any external environment, financial bracket, relationship, job or country we place ourselves in. There’s no running away. Sure we can distract ourselves, but that only sustains us for so long. That’s why it’s so important to look at our inner choices, the choices that will strengthen and lighten our daily lives.

The beauty of this journey through time and space is that we always get to make new choices. If you have the desire to recognize that you have choices to make you will experience freedom. Rise and shine my friend. Be wide awake. Then be wider awake. Ask for the choices to become obvious to you and they will. Sip on them and stir. Sweet freedom is a life Booster Juice.

Processes for reflection:

• What choices are you making right now? Become conscious of them. Write down ten. Don’t worry about whether they are inner (emotional) or outer-life choices. Just write down whatever comes into your head. Be honest. These choices don’t have to be ones you’re proud of. They are what they are. Don’t be afraid of the pen and paper.

• Look at the choices you’ve written down. Which one are you willing to look at more closely today? It should be one of your choices that you would like to change at this time.

• Ask yourself where this choice has come from. Look at the history of the choice. Notice any patterns or fears. Write them all down. Keep writing until you’ve centred your heart and mind on this choice. Ask yourself now what choice you would rather make. This choice may bring you relief. This choice may feel like it will bring you more energy. Write down all the benefits you can think of for making this choice. Write down any fears you may have about making this choice. Allow yourself to imagine how it would feel to make this choice. If it feels right, follow your heart’s guidance toward any action steps you should take into this new choice.

*Note to reader: I originally posted these as my “Thoughts of the Month” through my Reiki newsletter and on my Reiki website, www.openessence.ca. Here is a little more about my Thought of the Month.

A bit more about Shantaram:

Shantaram is one of the most beautifully written, action-packed and insightful novels I’ve read in a very long time. The author, Gregory David Roberts, having escaped over the front wall of a maximum security penitentiary, takes us with him on the run where he settles in Bombay. He brings us through the slums of India, where he lives and operates a free medical clinic, into and out of a heroin addiction and through the caves of his own internal landscape. I laughed, I cried and I was deeply moved turning the pages. Warning: Parts of this book are violent and disturbing and a few parts are quite graphic (but not to the point of being overly dramatic). Although I’m definitely not a fan of reading about violence, the essence of the novel’s spirituality captivated me. Roberts’ unique human experience invites us to surrender to our own questions of love, mortality, freedom and integrity.

Click to view Shantaram on Amazon

Remember the Carebears?  I’m a little jealous of them.  They were able to jump around on fuzzy clouds all day.   I want to jump around on clouds and be that free and unweighted by daily life.  Do you?  Don’t you want to be that high, naturally?  Yes, naturally.  This is a PG show kids.

Maybe the Carebears were perpetually inspired.  Inspiration comes from the word “inspire” which means “to breathe”.  It’s the opposite of expire which we don’t want to have happened to the milk on our cereal.    It’s also a short distance away from it’s cousin “perspire” which we also don’t want to happen on our cereal.  Don’t sweat it, it’s unlikely. 

But I digress.  Listening to Melanie Doane the other day on the S.A.C. (Songwriters Association of Canada) webinar I was interested to learn how she schedules her day between family life (raising her young kids) and finding time to devote to her songwriting.  She said she was forced to be disciplined with her craft.  She had to make the inspiration happen when the time was appropriate for her.  Her craft worked around her life.  

This is no easy feat.  Depending on what mood we’re in this inspiration can come easily or may dig in its heels.  If you have ever tried to force yourself to be creative when you’re feeling negative, lonely, tired, bored or anything less than inspired you’ll know what I mean.  But maybe the trick is to start where inspiration is, by breathing deeply.    Begin by letting in all that refreshing oxygen.   We breathe no matter what mood we’re in.  Does that mean we also have the chance to be inspired whenever we’re breathing?  Maybe we won’t feel inspired consciously if we’re in R.E.M. mode (the band R.E.M. might have done it but they were showing off…) but perhaps for the remaining waking hours of our day we can be open to that beautiful energy.   

I used to think that inspiration descended for us when were in a fluffy mood but I think we have more control than that.  Even if we don’t feel inspired we can help call the cloud down to us by creating space for it and by breathing deeply.  

Look out Carebears, I’m joining you.  Now I just have to think of what symbol to put on my belly!

Application:
Devote yourself to two sessions of conscious deep breathing every day for at least 2 minutes at a time.  Take note of how you feel physically and emotionally after breathing deeply. (Note: Don’t stop breathing the rest of the time).